Life Goes On

Even though my life is depressing at the moment, I am reminded that I am better off than so many people. I look at my kids and I remember truly how blessed I am to have them in my life.

Lindsey is amazing. She's so smart. She is reading very well and writing almost as well. She kind of has her mama's bad handwriting. :) She lights up when it is time for her lessons. She likes math much more than reading and writing though. That must come from her dad, because it definitely isn't from me. We've started on simple multiplication, and she seems to be getting it quite well. Tonight was her last night at soccer. She is so good at sports. She really enjoys being outdoors and active, and I hope that this continues. Jake and I really enjoy going out every Tuesday night and watching her. Her favorite activity right now is swimming. I've finally relaxed a little and now I don't have a heart attack every time she goes underwater. Her lung capacity is pretty amazing, and she's learned how to flip underwater! I didn't learn that until I was like, in fourth grade :) Her newest favorite food is a *walking taco*, with tortilla chips, taco meat, lettuce, cheese and sour cream. She's been helping me cook lunch and dinner, and is very...imaginative in the kitchen :)

Jake is a great baby. For the most part. He's still pretty fussy. Fussier than Lindsey ever was, and I thought she was bad. But no matter how long he cries for, when I pick him up he gives me this huge one-toothed smile that makes it all worth it. He started crawling on father's day, which was a nice present for Danny. He does the army commando crawl and his knees look all raw and swollen, but he doesn't mind. He'll crawl very quickly to any food or his sister's racecar slippers! He's been trying new foods too. He's eight months old, and I find that with the second child, I'm a little more lax than I was with my first. He's had some foods that I've mashed up, like corn, and blueberries, and he LOVES it! Still not a big fan of green vegetables, but there isn't much food he'll turn away. Except for turkey. He doesn't like baby turkey. It DOES smell pretty vile, so I can only imagine what it tastes like :) He weighed in at 18 pounds at the doctors office last week, but he'll have an appointment on the 21st and they'll let us know how he's doing as far as percentiles.

Dan and I are doing ok. Dan's been working a lot and I've been enjoying my first summer off since I've started college. I'm struggling to keep the house clean with Jake being mobile now. Lindsey's never really had to worry about small toys, so I'm constantly reminding her or picking up after her small toys. I'm staying busy with the mom's groups that I am a part of. I'm really lucky to have them. My best friend is about to have a baby, so I'm anxiously awaiting being the one in the waiting room versus being the one in the hospital bed.

Keeping hope that things are going to turn around soon. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and I trust that He will continue to watch over us.

I'd blog more...

but my life is kind of depressing at the moment. I mean, will I really want to look back on this period of my life? I mean, it's the same ol', same ol'.

When Dan got laid off in January, it was a hit to his self-esteem, and a huge hit to our financial status. We had gotten pretty well situated, things were good until that. Luckily, we had put a good chunk in our savings, and figured taht the lay-off couldn't last much longer than May...right?

WRONG.

It is now the 23rd of June. The savings is gone. Dan was actually offered a job at the company that laid him off as a forklift operator, but he took a THIRTY THREE percent pay cut. We're losing over 1200 dollars a MONTH. So, now that the money is gone, what do we do?

I got put on WIC back in April. With me breastfeeding, this gives us milk, cheese, veggies, etc to help alleviate the monetary stress of feeding the family. But it wasn't enough, so I sucked up my pride and went to DSS for food stamps. I got there and looked around, thinking "I don't belong here!" but in all essence, I suppose I do. I feel like I'm justifying my decision when I say that the food stamp program was meant for people like us, people who are having a hard time, who don't plan on living off the system. We only need it for a little while, until Dan can start working as a process tech again and get us back that 1200 a month.

So I'm there, and the case worker tells me how much we'll be getting per month, and it will really help us a lot. I won't have to stress over feeding my family. HOWEVER, they told us that we'd be getting our EBT card at the beginning of the month. But it hasn't come, and my case worker isn't answering my phone calls. I've been trying to call since the 6th. Finally, yesterday, I got the number for a supervisor at DSS.

"Your complaint will be dealt with in the order in which it was received. You will be getting a phone call or a letter within the next two weeks, after we have researched your complaint."

Shit, man, what do I do until then? If I had the money to pay for groceries, don't you think I'd be using it? I need that money to feed my children! I'm feeling desperate. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to turn. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know if we'll ever bounce back.

Updates

I haven't been blogging lately because there isn't a lot going on. We went to JAX to see my sissie Jessi at the end of May, and had the best time. I'm already searching for hospitals I can work at once nursing school is over. I would love to be close to her again. I'm reminded how truly blessed I am to have such wonderful siblings.

Came home to a third ear infection in a month for Jacob. Two rounds of antibodics didn't work, and he actually developed the third one while on the second round of amoxicillin. Very frustrating. No wonder he's been so unhappy, his little ears hurt!

Jake cut his first tooth on Thursday! It has been a LONG time coming, but it finally poked through, bottom right tooth. The bottom left tooth is close behind it. We started Jake on meats for the first time this week. He hates them! HATES them. I have to mix them with fruits to even get him to swallow them, but he scrunches up his little face like, ewwwww, you're making me eat this?? it is kind of funny. He also refuses to eat green vegetables, so I have to mix them with carrots.

Lindsey was sick yesterday. Really sick. She had a temp of 103.5 for over five hours, and it wasn't coming down with meds. It finally broke in the middle of the night, but the poor girl kept throwing up every fluid we tried to get into her. But today, she's all better.

I've resolved to lose at least fifteen pounds. I started on May 28th, and I've already lost EIGHT pounds! I'm working hard on it.

Other than that, just lots of playgroups, homeschool lessons and general fun here!

leaving for a bit

I'm heading to Jacksonville to visit Jessi (my little sister) but I'm going to try to ipdate with some info and some pics next week after I get home. Promise.

How 'bout them apples?

Lindsey is a helpful sister. She likes to do things for her baby brother, especially feed him. So this morning, I told her that she could feed Jakers, and I made up the applesauce with rice cereal. I put the bowl on his tray, and she started feeding him. A friend called, and so I went into the living room to answer, though it was a short conversation. I checked on the kids, they were doing fine, so I went into the bathroom to clean the toilet. Lindsey comes in to tell me that she's done feeding Jake, and I told her I'd be right there to clean it up, as she normally knows to put the bowl in the sink.

Well, when she said she was done feeding him, it wasn't that he was FINISHED...it is that she was DONE feeding him. She didn't want to do it any more. So in the minute that it took me to finish scrubbing and wash my hands, Jake had taken his bowl that Lindsey had left on his tray and dumped it over his head. Applesauce was everywhere. In his hair, his ears, his tray, his high chair...everywhere. He was covered in applesauce. Oh I was so mad. I sent Lindsey to her room and had to hose down the boy, who nows smells a little like apples.

Now I'm craving pie :)

Tonight is the Greenville Technical College Graduation. Tonight I will finally have something to show for the past three years of busting my butt. Very rewarding. Dan, the kids and my in-laws are coming. I know that this isn't a big deal, not like my nursing degree, but I really wish my mom and dad were here. I miss them...I feel like they should be here for this, because it is every bit an accomplishment for them too. Sometimes I wish I didn't live so far away. :(

I'll post pictures tomorrow.

Happy Anniversary, my love!

Six years ago today, I married the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. When I try to put an amount of time that we've been together down, it doesn't seem right. It seems like Dan has always been a part of my life. We met in an odd way, I was dating the brother of his girlfriend. We became fast friends, which was kind of strange, because I never really hung out with anyone like Dan. We played video games and watched movies. We went to the races at Twin State Speedway. We'd hang out when we were with our respective partners, but we'd normally plead exhaustion and leave...just to go and hang out together. I really loved hanging out with him.

Then about 10 months after we met and started hanging out...Dan laid it out. He liked me. More than he should. This weirded me out. I thought about it though, and I realized that I felt the same way. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it, and I said no. :) I was worried about how I felt, especially since we were still dating our partners. A couple of weeks later though, we had broken up with them, and I moved in with him. The rest, as they say, is history.

Dan asked me to marry him on February 13, 2003 and we were married on May 11, 2003. I couldn't have asked for anyone better. We work so well together, we balance eachother out happily. We may not have lots of money, but we make up for it with love :)

Me and my honey April 2009

What is WRONG with me?

If I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant.

My hormones are out of control! Maybe it is the breastfeeding, with the hormones being still floating around in my body, maybe I'm just freaking going insane.

I don't even like being in my own body. The thoughts that I have been having just aren't healthy. I don't like myself, I don't like my husband. I'm frustrated with my kids (though you'll notice that I still like my kids). My temper is super short, I flare over the littlest thing. I'm frustrated over several situations in my life. I'm frustrated with some of the people in my life.

I miss my family. I miss my sisters especially. I want to find a job, but for the life of me, I can't get a call back---though I have got some pretty promising automated responses. Then part of me doesn't want to find a job, because I want to be with the kids. But if I don't find a job, there isn't enough money to go around. We are starting to sink...and I don't know how to stop that.

I'm going to try to stop the pity party, and remind myself that today is a new day.