Why is it...

That is get really embarrassed when people find out that I write? I'm in the middle of writing a book right now and it's like I'm almost ashamed to admit it.

I think that it's because I put so much of myself into this story. blood, sweat and tears literally pour from my fingertips and onto the Word document. These are my characters, my plot, my surroundings...I think what I'm afraid of is something I've always been afraid of: being made fun of.

I was not a popular person in high school. Sure, I had friends, I had a couple of boyfriends. But I never felt like I fit in exactly. Always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Hell, I still feel that way most of the time, except for when I'm with my husband. I'm lucky enough that he completes me and that I don't need to fit in anywhere else.

So I decided that I don't care any more. I'm 25 years old. I'm a wife, mother, student and employee. I'm a reader, a tweeter, a facebook addict, a Twilight-aholic. I love to write fanfiction...and people think that I'm talented and enjoy what I write. I've decided since to try to use my talents in a *real* scenario. My husband is supportive of anything and everything I do, so why should I even care if someone who thinks that they know me judges me for the person that I am?

I'm a good person, a loyal friend, a caring and devoted wife and mom. Who wouldn't want to be friends with me? And sure, I write about Bella choosing Jacob instead of Edward at the end of Eclipse, but really, who the hell cares? What difference does it make? It doesn't change the kind of person that I am.

February update

It's already February? What's up with that? I feel like time just flies by now. It's so unfair. I've only got 11 more months to finish my resolutions! Unfortunately the whole blogging thing seems to be an epic fail.

Maybe that can be my new February resolution.

I don't have that much crap to write about. My life is a bit depressing. Work, school, kids, husband...yeah that's about it.

Today is my Grammy's birthday! She's the big 7-0 today. I hope that she has a wonderful day and I wish that I could be there to help her celebrate. My mother is also having surgery, another reason why I wish that I could be in New Hampshire. But we made our decision to live down here so I need to suck it up.

Oh, so I'm trying this recipe today:

Pizza Tater Tot Casserole

Ingredients

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 medium green pepper, chopped
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1 can (10-3/4 ounces) condensed tomato soup, undiluted
• 1 jar (4-1/2 ounces) sliced mushrooms, drained
• 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
• 2 cups (8 ounces) shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
• 1 package (32 ounces) frozen Tater Tots
  
  Directions
  
  
• In a large skillet, cook the beef, pepper and onion over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain. Add the soup, mushrooms and Italian seasoning.
• Transfer to a greased 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish. Top with cheese and potatoes. Bake, uncovered, at 400° for 30-35 minutes or until golden brown. Yield: 6-8 servings.

I've got a crapload of stuff to do today, so I'll blog more tomorrow.

Happy Chocolate Cake Day!

January 27, 2010 is National Chocolate Cake Day. In celebration, I will share a delicious recipe I have come across and tweeked for my own benefit.


Too Much Chocolate Cake

Ingredients

• 1 package devil's food cake mix
• 1 package instant chocolate pudding mix
• 1 cup sour cream
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 4 eggs
• 1/2 cup warm water
• 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips (i use the mini ones because they don't sink)
  

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, mix together the cake and pudding mixes, sour cream, oil, beaten eggs and water. Stir in the chocolate chips and pour batter into a well greased 12 cup bundt pan.
3. Bake for 50 to 55 minutes, or until top is springy to the touch and a wooden toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool cake thoroughly in pan at least an hour and a half before inverting onto a plate Top with chocolate frosting, garnish with strawberries.
   

I've been having a lot of issues with Jake lately. He's been kind of sick, running a low fever, runny nose and cough. He's such a brat though. He's into everything, he doesn't listen when we say no...he's an extreme baby. He literally drives me insane. However, this morning I finally figured out why he was being a complete tool today: he popped through 4 molars. I bet that freaking hurts!

Jake is my high maintenance kid. Like I just had to stop blogging so I could stop him from putting his fingers in the outlet. and i just had to yell at him for pounding on the desktop keyboard. and to stop messing with my papers on the end table. and again with the keyboard. I take things away but he just finds something else to get into and then i have no idea where my shit is.

Lindsey was a good baby. She listened, stayed out of trouble, and cuddled when I wanted her to. Now I've got this hellion and I'm wondering what I was thinking.

And also wondering why when I'm away or he's napping...I miss him and just want chaos back.

Gah, a week-long fail.

It has been a week since I posted. That's an epic failure on my part. In my defense, Lindsey was home sick Friday-Monday, and I had class and work. And I started reading Harry Potter fan fiction. (*sigh*)

HOW 'BOUT THEM COLTS?!?!



I am so stoked. Unfortunately I had to work so I was only able to see the last half, and even then Dan was so superstitious that I couldn't WATCH it, I had to check it covertly online. I died. I was dying the whole time and I couldn't tell him that I was looking at it or he would have beat me. So I silently cried, cheered and ultimately died. I'm desperately in love with Peyton Manning, no matter how many people tell me he is unattractive. They can all shrivel and die. Haters.

Dan and I had a *date* on Friday night. We had gift certificates to the Olive Garden but with Lindsey being sick we didn't want to go out or get a babysitter, so we got takeout. Olive Garden does an awesome takeout. We also got some snickers cheesecake from Publix. It was tasty. And doing it after the kids went to bed assured us of quiet evening. It was awesome. Having time like that lets us focus on us, on our relationship, and what's important to us.

Dan went out with a couple of friends on Saturday night so I stayed home with the kids. I needed to do some cleaning so I went to town. It's hard for me to clean our bedroom because whenever i'm home it seems like dan is sleeping. So I lit some candles, hoping that the bathroom and the bedroom would smell a little nicer when Dan got home. Then I realized that it wasn't doing a good enough job of destinking the house so I used the Lysol room deodorizer. BIG MISTAKE. I set off the smoke detectors. Not exactly sure how it happened, but Lindsey and I ran around the entire house blowing out candles and fanning the detectors. I had this fear that the fire department was gonna come busting into my house while I was cleaning in my little tank top and shorts. Luckily they didn't. Or maybe I would have had some hot firemen carrying me away. DAMMIT!

Classes are kicking my butt. There is soooo much reading and soooo much homework. I'm really fortunate that I read so quickly, but being that i'm one of those people who learn by writing things over and over, my hand is killing me. Not to mention I'm killing trees with my need for nursing.

Good news is that I was finally inspired for my book. I'm back to writing again. WOOT!

Today I'm off from both school and work so I'm doing schoolwork and housework before going to the grocery store. I'm wanting to play with playdough with Lindsey today so I need to get everything done this morning. I figure i'll even take a nap while Jake does, because I'm not sleeping well. Le sigh. There's always something, eh?

OMG SCAMPI!

So I made yummy shrimp scampi and since my little sister has been begging for the recipe, I figured I would share with everyone. Everyone loves my scampi. Every time I go up to New Hampshire I end up making it for my family :)

Beckie's Super Scampi

depends on how much shrimp you have but...

2 sticks of butter
1/2 c-3/4 c white wine
2 cloves of garlic (ish)
2 T flour (for thickening sauce)
1 1/2 T scampi seasoning if you have it. if not, it's okay. still tastes yummy
41-60 count shrimp

mix together, let shrimp cook all the way through then pour over cooked noodles.

Serve immediately with vast quantities of white wine.

So in other news, I finally organized my coupons and cleaned Lindsey's room. This is big. Now I'm in the middle of writing a little something, it appears as if my writing block is over. WOOT!

Weekend Update and Recipe

So Lindsey spent the weekend with her grandparents this weekend. She had Friday off from school and so we went up to Greenville and had dinner with Dan's dad befor eleaving Linds there for the weekend. Saturday morning I had to work but then I got out at 5:30, leaving Dan and I with an entire evening of...sitting on the couch and playing on the computer. Sunday I had to work from 7a-3p, so Dan got a lot of qaulity time with the boy. I came home and Dan went to sleep, leaving me with my kids. We had dinner and bathtime before Jake went to bed and Lindsey and I made a bed on the living room so we could have movie night and a sleepover. I also kept an eye on the Golden Globes so I could see this:



Anywho, I'm still taking medicine from the discomfort of sleeping on the floor. We went to a playdate today with my friends Kim, Mandy and Jen along with their kids. It was crazy and insane but so much fun. I've missed my friends a lot since we've moved to Anderson.

For dinner tonight, I made a Taco Pie. It was really good, but Lindsey was being picky because i added salsa to it and she didn't want the tomatoes. GRRRR.

Taco Pie:

Ingredients

• 1 package refrigerated crescent rolls
• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 jar of salsa, any temperature
  
• 1 package taco seasoning mix
• 1 container sour cream
• 1 cupshredded Mexican-style cheese blend
• 1 package crushed tortilla chips

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. Lay crescent dough flat on the bottom of a square cake pan and bake according to package directions.
3. Meanwhile, brown the ground beef in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add the taco seasoning and stir together well. When dough is done, remove from oven and place meat mixture on top, then layer with salsa sour cream and cheese, and then top off with the crushed nacho chips.
4. Return to oven and bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 10 minutes, or until cheese has melted.

YUMMY. It was so good. I topped it with lettuce for Lindsey and Dan, then added tomatoes and black olives for Jakers and I. Jakers ate way more than his share and was all Buddha-bellied when he was done. I'll have to take a picture of the belly, it's hilarious.

So now Dan is off to work and I'm off to bed, because my glasses broke and my neck is starting to hurt from having to hover 6 inches from the laptop screen just so I can see this post. That's dedication right there.

UGH!

Some of my readers may or may not know, but I've been writing for a really long time. I love to write. I write almost anything and everything. I write poetry, short stories, fan fiction, really...anything. And I've got a pretty good amount of followers for fan fiction so I know at least some people like to read what I write.

I can't write. I'm in this horrific blockage. I've tried writing different things, but I can't. I sit there for hours, staring at the empty word document. It's so frustrating...and what's worse is that I use writing as my escape, as my calm down...but this makes it so that I can't calm down. I've been a nasty bitch and evil, all because I can't write. I don't know what to do.