leaving for a bit

I'm heading to Jacksonville to visit Jessi (my little sister) but I'm going to try to ipdate with some info and some pics next week after I get home. Promise.

How 'bout them apples?

Lindsey is a helpful sister. She likes to do things for her baby brother, especially feed him. So this morning, I told her that she could feed Jakers, and I made up the applesauce with rice cereal. I put the bowl on his tray, and she started feeding him. A friend called, and so I went into the living room to answer, though it was a short conversation. I checked on the kids, they were doing fine, so I went into the bathroom to clean the toilet. Lindsey comes in to tell me that she's done feeding Jake, and I told her I'd be right there to clean it up, as she normally knows to put the bowl in the sink.

Well, when she said she was done feeding him, it wasn't that he was FINISHED...it is that she was DONE feeding him. She didn't want to do it any more. So in the minute that it took me to finish scrubbing and wash my hands, Jake had taken his bowl that Lindsey had left on his tray and dumped it over his head. Applesauce was everywhere. In his hair, his ears, his tray, his high chair...everywhere. He was covered in applesauce. Oh I was so mad. I sent Lindsey to her room and had to hose down the boy, who nows smells a little like apples.

Now I'm craving pie :)

Tonight is the Greenville Technical College Graduation. Tonight I will finally have something to show for the past three years of busting my butt. Very rewarding. Dan, the kids and my in-laws are coming. I know that this isn't a big deal, not like my nursing degree, but I really wish my mom and dad were here. I miss them...I feel like they should be here for this, because it is every bit an accomplishment for them too. Sometimes I wish I didn't live so far away. :(

I'll post pictures tomorrow.

Happy Anniversary, my love!

Six years ago today, I married the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. When I try to put an amount of time that we've been together down, it doesn't seem right. It seems like Dan has always been a part of my life. We met in an odd way, I was dating the brother of his girlfriend. We became fast friends, which was kind of strange, because I never really hung out with anyone like Dan. We played video games and watched movies. We went to the races at Twin State Speedway. We'd hang out when we were with our respective partners, but we'd normally plead exhaustion and leave...just to go and hang out together. I really loved hanging out with him.

Then about 10 months after we met and started hanging out...Dan laid it out. He liked me. More than he should. This weirded me out. I thought about it though, and I realized that I felt the same way. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it, and I said no. :) I was worried about how I felt, especially since we were still dating our partners. A couple of weeks later though, we had broken up with them, and I moved in with him. The rest, as they say, is history.

Dan asked me to marry him on February 13, 2003 and we were married on May 11, 2003. I couldn't have asked for anyone better. We work so well together, we balance eachother out happily. We may not have lots of money, but we make up for it with love :)

Me and my honey April 2009

What is WRONG with me?

If I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant.

My hormones are out of control! Maybe it is the breastfeeding, with the hormones being still floating around in my body, maybe I'm just freaking going insane.

I don't even like being in my own body. The thoughts that I have been having just aren't healthy. I don't like myself, I don't like my husband. I'm frustrated with my kids (though you'll notice that I still like my kids). My temper is super short, I flare over the littlest thing. I'm frustrated over several situations in my life. I'm frustrated with some of the people in my life.

I miss my family. I miss my sisters especially. I want to find a job, but for the life of me, I can't get a call back---though I have got some pretty promising automated responses. Then part of me doesn't want to find a job, because I want to be with the kids. But if I don't find a job, there isn't enough money to go around. We are starting to sink...and I don't know how to stop that.

I'm going to try to stop the pity party, and remind myself that today is a new day.

Puddle Stomping.

Yesterday was cinco de mayo! We celebrated by doing a craft, going to the library to read books about Mexico, having a Mexican dinner (mmm quesadillas and tacos!) and finishing off the evening at Janna and John's house for margaritas. Very fun. Lindsey and I had run to Bi-Lo to get stuff for dinner and got caught in a rainstorm. She giggled the entire jog from the store to the car. We were soaked! I always try to remember that when you're five, one of the best things in the world is splashing in puddles.

I always want to be the kind of mom who will stop what she is doing and stomp in the puddles.

It is really starting to hit me that this is the last summer I have with my child before school corrupts her and she realizes I'm not the coolest person in the world. It makes my heart physically hurt knowing this. So I'm working hard to do lots of fun things with her before I have to send her off to kindergarten.

Today is Lindsey's favorite stuffed animal (Rabby)'s birthday. We made cupcakes, made presents, decorated her room and had a tea party. I'm currently enjoying "Best Mom in the World" status.

And that heartache lives on...

Just another Manic Monday...

This morning, we went to a playdate at the park with a group I just rejoined since stepping down as Organizer of the GAMM. It was fun...and the biggest perk? Not having to host it. I was able to just watch my kiddos and not have to introduce everyone and be the gracious hostess. I could get used to the anonymity that comes with not organizing a group.

It has been raining on and off all day. We hurried to leave the park so we wouldn't get caught in the rain, but I had to stop at Bi-Lo for some good BOGO deals. I found eggs for 88 cents too, so that was egg-citing...HAHA. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself). We spent the rest of the day @ home, and I even got to nap for an hour and a half...we all did!

We were supposed to go to Twilight Tales tonight, but Lindsey started coughing up a storm. I think that I was fooled though. She hasn't coughed since I told her we could stay home. I think she just really wanted to stay home with her daddy. Dan is helping me with some chores which makes for a happy wife.

Tomorrow is a busy day with Cinco de Mayo...Ole!

Whew...I almost forgot.

I almost forgot to blog. I'm so proud of myself for remembering to come on here and blog! Last night we ended up watching Peter Pan. It is always so much fun spending time with my family...it doesn't really matter what we do.

Right now I'm trying to write a fiction piece. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I've got some parts in my mind, and I'm just trying to put all these thoughts on paper (ok, computer) and make it mesh together. I've always wanted to write, and while I have good ideas, I just never can get it out right. So we'll see how this one comes out. It seems promising. I don't really know the process after writing, but I'll worry about that step when I get to it. I need to get the creative juices flowing tonight. I plan on putting Lindsey to bed early and going to town on the laptop.

Speaking of Lindsey and bed, we're having a hard time with her wetting the bed. She's wet the bed four times this week. She didn't have any accidents when we were in Florida, and the week before FL, she had two accidents. This is really unheard of for my child. I can't think of anything that could have happened, or why she is doing this. I'm starting to think that she might have a UTI or something. We're going to not let her drink anything after 1900, and put her to bed at 2100. I think she might be staying up too late, and that she is too tired to wake up in the night to go to the bathroom. I don't want to put her in diapers or anything...because I don't feel like that actually TEACHES her anything. She gets frustrated with herself, and I'm frustrated too. I feel like I am doing something wrong. We'll see how this goes. If anything, it will be some extra time to myself!

Operation Fatten Baby is going well. Jake really will eat almost anything I try to stuff in his mouth...except GREEN BEANS. He hates them. At least he looks handsome covered in carrots. He's still doing a really good job with nursing, so I think that he should have gained some weight when we see the doc again on the 19th.

I'm going to try to do some more writing before the bedtime rituals begin in about a half hour. Here's hoping we stay dry through the night!

I've got it!

Today was my last clinical for Patient Care, and I have the certificate in hand...I am now a Patient Care Tehcnician! How cool is that? Now I'm trying to find a job, and it is proving to be harder than I thought it would be. Hopefully I can get everything to pan out the way I want, because I really REALLY need a job. I mean, the nursing program won't start until January, what am I supposed to do until then?

I was out at 1, and my mother in law had taken Lindsey to a tea party, which was really neat for Lindsey. We've been hanging out for the day, and I'm happy blogging while Dan plays SimCity 3000 on the desktop. Lindsey is bouncing off the walls and desperately wants to play on the computer...but Dan doesn't wanna hand over the desktop. He's selfish.

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do for the evening. With trying to save money, we've been staying home, but MAN that gets pretty boring. I really want a nap but it is 1640 and that's waaaaay too late for me to nap. I'll never go to sleep tonight! I've also got to figure out what to do for dinner. Again, trying to save money, so we've been trying to actually EAT what is in our cupboards. Imagine that, eh? I think I'll just thaw some meat and make hamburger helper.

Dan watched Lindsey and that starting-to-get-fat baby of mine this morning. So that means that Jake got fed one thing of baby food and he probably didn't get fed any baby food for lunch. YOU CAN NEVER COUNT ON ANYONE TO DO IT LIKE YOU CAN! I mean, I left a note with times and everything. HOW CAN YOU MESS THAT UP?! Grr.

I'm considering re-reading the Twilight series again. I do it about once a month. Admittedly obsessed with these books. I have so many ideas for books floating around in my head, and I would LOVE to actually get one out. I've started one, and we'll see how it pans out. Maybe if I could write a book like Stephenie Meyer, I wouldn't have to work. *SIGH*

Time's up...back tomorrow. Three days in a row...call me butter, I'm on a roll!

Day 2: Rough going.

So it is Day Two of Operation Fatten Baby. Yesterday I lost many a good shirt to the enemy fire of butternut squash. Thank God for Shout! Like I said, Jacob doesn't really like food of the baby kind. He basically wants to sustain life with boob milk. Which wouldn't be a huge deal if the child actually would spend time eating instead of getting on there for five minutes, then losing interest and playing for a little while, then expecting to be able to come back to it. I'm not a freaking cow for God's sake. Today so far has been a little better, instead of breakfast taking a half hour, it only took twenty minutes, so I'm taking that to be a good sign.

Last night our family went to the Bos family's house for dinner. Janna and John made yummy steak and potatoes, which is a real treat for us because we never have steak. We like steak, but let's be honest here, my husband can not grill worth crap. Hot dogs, the occasional hamburger, yes. Steaks? Not so much. It was a nice evening spent with good friends---and good wine too! AS the girls get older, we're finding that they get along a lot better and play nicer.

Today is a lazy day so far. It is 1005 and we're still in our pajamas. Lindsey is wanting to play on the computer, but I told her that I had to blog first. That, in turn, set off a whole bunch of questions (what's a blog? what do you write on there? can I do it?) that took time out of my blogging!! Grr. Both my kids are being quite needy today. Dan just went to sleep and is planning on napping until 1, then we'll have time together as a family.

The weather is looking a little iffy today. I was kind of hoping that we could play in the baby pool on the back porch but I don't think it is going to happen. I'm really hoping to get a move on with Jacob's scrapbook, and to start Lindsey's fifth year scrapbook (from her 4th birthday to her 5th). Unfortunately with the bed rest, that will be a small scrapbook. :( We're going to try to see my friend Kim and her kids today...with our schedules it is hard for the two of us to get together. Then it is movie night tonight. Who knows what we'll be watching but we pile all the blankets and pillows in the house on the living room floor and cuddle together with a movie. It was one of our favorite pre-Jake things to do and now we're hoping to re-incorportate it into our lives.

So I'm proud of myself for taking the time this morning to blog...two days in a row...WOOT!