Grrr.

There is a person that I know who I once believed to be a very good friend of mine, however, we had a falling out and this person turned out to be someone I didn't want to be associated with. It makes me sad, as I hate to have issues with people, but I really can not STAND judgemental people. I am a very opinionated person, but I believe that every person is welcome to do what they want with their life. Or their children's. I make the decisions that I feel are best for my children---and I know that I am a great parent. I don't ignore my children and sit on the computer, I enjoy being a wife and stay at home mom...and a homemaker. I like to clean my house and cook meals for my family. I do things with myself, taking classes and I try not to spend the money that my husband works so hard for. Though it took me eight weeks, I quit smoking because any time that a woman can stop smoking while she is pregnant is better for the baby in the long run. And I have enjoyed the benefits of being smoke free and I hope to stay smoke free and further benefit my children and myself.

So why do people feel as if THEY have the right to judge me? There is only one who can judge me, and that is God. Hypocritical people are not people who I want to associate with. I try hard not to judge people and to think with an open mind, why can't anyone else?

Labor Day weekend

I hope that everyone is enjoying their labor day weekend. We went to Sam's Club and to Wal-Mart yesterday so we could get food that I could eat. Errrr. I have never spent so much money on groceries in my LIFE! After it was all said and done, it was over two hundered for groceries. That's insane. Granted, we bought fifty dollars worth of meat at Sams, but STILL! Why does light sugar spaghetti sauce have to be $1.78 versus the cheap canned spaghetti sauce at .82? Grrrr. And buying whole wheat instead of white? People wonder why America is such an OBESE COUNTRY. It is because people can not afford to eat healthy!

I have to change my Terbutaline site today. I'm still nervous about sticking myself with needles but I suppose I am going to have to get used to it, especially with having to do needlepricks of my finger more than four times a day. I hate needles. This is why I have never gotten another tattoo. :)

Lindsey is enjoying time with her daddy. We played Littlest Pet Shop Go Fish yesterday and she beat us FAIR AND SQUARE each time. She's very smart, and she picks up on who has what cards. I'm still working on her playing Guess Who, she thinks that I am asking about her when I ask "Do you have blond hair?" and she says yes...but yet her card is a balding redhead. Ummmm? I ask her why she said that she had blond hair...she said because SHE has blond hair! I think we are going to have to work on that. We also bought her Yahtzee so we can work on our counting skills....because she still thinks that fifteen is "eleventeen"....ummmmm??

I love being her mom. I have so much fun with her! Now if Jake would cooperate, I would love being his mom too! :)

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Not only do I have an incompetant cervix and preterm labor, but I have gestational diabetes too?

Life is such a bitch sometimes.

Terbutaline

So today a home nurse came in and set me up with a Terbutaline pump. It's definitely different. I feel like I am on speed right now...and I have to lay still. I have this little cell phone sized pump that holds my medicine, and I have a catheter in my right leg. I have to stab myself every 3-5 days when I have to change my catheter site, and I have to change the meds in the pump every day. It is definitely different trying to carry it around on my pajamas, but whatever.

We'll see how it is taking a shower tomorrow. LOL!

31 weeks!

31 weeks pregnant today. Had an ultrasound...was a little upset that the tech only spent 5 minutes trying for a 3-D pic, but there you go. What made me even angrier was that she didn't take ANY pictures. Jake has not been in a position for us to see his entire face any of the times we have tried...and we've tried FIVE times! He buries his face in the side of the uterus. I guess we'll have to wait until he comes out until we get an idea of what he will look like...though I can tell you from what we have seen, our boy has some CHEEKS! LOL.

They are starting the new meds tomorrow, and they are hoping it will buy us another 3 weeks until at least 34 weeks where we won't have to worry as much. Jake was practicing his breathing so that's good. His head is HUGE! I'm 31 weeks, his head is measuring at 33w3d. Same thing with his legs and arms, though his tummy is right on track.

Dr. Greig said that I could still go into labor early, or I may go when they take out the cerclage at 36 weeks, or they may have to induce me at 38 weeks...who knows. Jake's being a butt already, guess I am in for it :)

so ashamed.

We went to the last Greenville Drive game of the season. Then I was feeling really bad. So I monitored when I got home and I had FOUR contractions. My nurse gave me a "what-for" because apparently I am not allowed to SIT up either...what the hell. I feel ashamed now...I have been making it even harder for my little boy to live in my belly.

Kill me now. 30w6d, only 9w1d until my due date!

Kiss and Make Up Day

Kiss and Make Up Day is Monday. So I was wondering who I needed to kiss and make up with...first of all I had to kiss and make up with my husband because I have been a terrible wench this entire pregnancy. I feel so bad that I am so needy and emotional this pregnancy. Gosh, when I was pregnant with Lindsey, I didn't want anything to do with the man. And normally I am a very self-reliant person. I hate that I rely on him for everything...it's just not fair to him. And I'm JEALOUS! I know my husband would never cheat on me (when does he have the time?) but I have this thing in the back of my mind that he is fooling around...even though I KNOW he is not.

I also have to apologize to my friends, to them, I have alternated between ignoring them and being totally needy, then bitchy. Thank GOD that I got on my anti-depressants. Now I can sort of function. I really can not wait until this little boy is out so I can be NORMAL again. I miss myself. High risk is the worst phrase in the English language, I am telling you.

Then there was a person I fell out of touch with last November or so. I don't know why, but we stopped hanging out, stopped talking...but I miss her. She was such a good friend, but something happened, and it was probably me...it always is. Me and my big mouth. :) So tonight I wrote her an email, my peace offering, and hopefully she will take my olive branch and we can get back to being friendly again.

I'm currently watching my husband rock out on Guitar Hero Aerosmith. It is almost eleven pm and I still have to get my kid to bed. I'm monitoring right now, should be done soon. Urg.

TGIF!

This morning I was up at the crack of dawn (ok, it was 7:30, but still) to get to my doctor's appointment. I had to have my glucose test. So, after drinking the nasty grossness that was the glucola (it tasted like the time that Dan put in 2 cups of sugar in orange koolaid instead of just one) I went in, talked to the nurse, saw the doctor...and that was all in fifteen minutes! I was stoked to get in and out (sometimes I have to wait up to like three hours at that place), but today I had to be there for an hour to have the test!

So I just ran home and woke Lindsey up, played with her and then went back to LabCorp. They had to stick me THREE times...my veins kept rolling...I have never had that problem. I've had a vein bust open in my hand, but never roll. So that was weird. Hurt like a son of a bitch too :)

Tonight Lindsey and I are watching the Backyardigans and eating Papa John's pineapple pizza. Tomorrow is a lazy rest day. Sunday is the last home game for the Greenville Drive (our minor league team, they are the minors for the Red Sox---but I can forgive them for that) and Lindsey really wants to go. The game starts at 4 so that way we won't be out all night. Dan and I figure as long as I am sitting down, then I should be okay. If not, it's only 20 bucks, right?

So I'm hoping to get Lindsey to bed early tonight so I can get to bed too. I'm so tired now! I'm 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant, only 9 weeks and 4 days until my due date! And I have been smoke free for four months, three weeks, four days, 1 hour, 59 minutes and 1 second. 2353 cigarettes not smoked, saving $588.33. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 4 hours, 5 minutes. WOW!

And the drugs go on...

So, I got a call from my nurse. Apparently, Dr. Greig (my MFS) has decided that I need to go on Terbutaline. Terbutaline is a kind of medicine that normally acts as a broncodilator in asthmatics. However, it has been shown to decrease contractions in pregnant mamas like me. So, the home nurse will come in today or tomorrow and insert a catheter into the fatty tissue of my thigh (and there is plenty of it, so no worries!!) and then I will be given meds via a pump---i will always have the meds going. Of course, there are risks...it's derived from epinephrine so I will have the "fight or flight" response going on...speedy heartbeat, restlessness and the jitters. Really shouldn't have too much effect on Jakey though.

This medcine is in addition to my Procardia, which is also supposed to stop contractions, though it hasn't yet. Add that to the Lexapro (anti-depressants), the Lortab (codeine for pain), prenatal vitamins and OTC meds for heartburn, I am a walking medicine cabinet. WAIT...I am a bed-ridden medicine cabinet.

I am so tempted to have the yank out my uterus when Jake decides to come!

Hospital Trip

Last night I had to take a quick trip to the hospital, I was having a lot of stabbing pain in my belly. So they put me on the monitor, tracked me and Jakey for about an hour, then the nurse came in and told me that the doctor wasn't coming in, that it was probably just muscle separation. What the hell?

I am at risk for pre term labor. Obviously my nurses would not have sent me to the hospital if it was just a little something.

Annoying. Well, doctor's appointment on Friday, we'll see what they say then.

The Abortion Debate

I am a very liberal person. Imagine, raised in a family of Republicans...HAHA. There was a topic brought up on one of my message boards that contraceptives are abortion. Hmmm. I, of course, felt the need to pipe up because, well, that's how I roll :)

There are too many unwanted children in this world. There are too many children who suffer at the hands of their parents and caregivers. This is unacceptable. If abortion was deemed illegal, then think of how many more children in the world that would be.

I believe that every woman has the choice to do what she wants with her own body. Religious beliefs aside, that is our right as a woman to do what we feel is necessary to do. I don't like being judged by other women because of a choice that I made, to be pro-choice. There is no one who should judge me, besides God.

I hate that when something like this, or politics is brought up, that it gets ugly. I just want to state my beliefs and hopefully have people listen to me and think, ok, she has a point. I listen to them and their pro-life/anti-abortion beliefs. And I can see that LATE abortions are murder, but really, in the first couple of months, the baby isn't really a BABY. It can not survive outside the womb. So, really, I think that it can not be considered murder, but that is a different topic.

mmm classes again...

So, classes started back up yesterday (where did THAT break go?) and I'm in for a fun semester. Spansh 2 and American History---I'm taking a light load for the fall because of having a baby midway through the semester. I'm nervous, but I'm sure I can do it. Books...$243! Holy GOD! Are the books really that expensive? Why must they cost so much, and then you can't get crap back when you go to sell them back at the end of the semester. It makes NO sense. I wish it was still high school where they just give you the book for the year.

Dan and I stayed up too late last night, until about 2 or so. Lindsey didn't come and wake us up until 10 am...so that was nice. I just finished monitoring and am waiting on a call from the nurse. Hopefully all is well and they don't yell at me for not recording last night, because I took a Lortab for pain and it made me pass out--until Dan got home, and I didn't wanna go upstairs to get the monitor :) I'm sure they will forgive me.

Today: Laying in bed
Tomorrow: Laying in bed
Thursday: Laying in bed...

Ugh.

WWYD: Kid in the front

This is something that drives me nuts here in South Carolina. I'm sure it happens everywhere, but I notice it more here.

Kids in the front seat. It is against the LAW. Not only is it against the law, there is a reason why they are supposed to be in the back until the age of twelve. They can be decapitated by the force of the airbags.

Sure...you're a careful driver. But it only takes one terrible driver to hit you head-on to kill your child.

I have someone in my complex who I watch put her child into the front seat every day. This little kid just automatically goes to the front. How in God's name is that OKAY?! It is so disgusting that people do this to their children. People like this do not deserve to have kids.

Dan and I have been talking about this, and we are considering calling the police the next time we see them leave. What would you do? Should we just stay out of it?

Am I too strict?

A little girl who was probably about 6 or so just came over, knocked on the door and asked if Lindsey could come over to play. I told her "no". And she asked why. I told her that I did not want Lindsey to go out to play. Then the little girl would not leave...until I asked her to. Maybe I'm a meanie for booting this little girl out, but...

Am I too strict on my daughter? Perhaps.

No, I'm not going to let my child run around the apartment complex unsupervised. How can people let their children do that? I just can not see how people can do that. It's disgusting. What would happen if someone came and took my child? Screw that.

I also closely watch Lindsey when she is playing with other kids. She knows and has known since she was two that it is never ok to hit or play rough with anyone other than daddy. I want to know what she is doing, as much as I want to know what other kids are doing to her.

Lindsey has a list of chores. She cleans her room, she puts the shoes away, she helps put away the dishes (so I don't have to bend) and she makes her bed in the morning. I am trying to teach her early things that I didn't do when I was younger :)

I don't WANT to be strict, I just want to raise my children to be the best people they possibly can, and I can't take a laid back attitude with that and be all "whatever" on it like all the other parents in this god-forsaken apartment complex.

Needed to vent about the little girl and her two ankle biting poodles she brought in my house. GAH.

Uterine irritability/Preterm Labor

I am ROUND! Here is a picture of me at 28 weeks!

I'm back on strict bedrest, I'm not supposed to go out or do housework or whatever...but I just CAN'T stay in bed. It is impossible. If I don't, who is going to clean the house? Who is going to cook the food? Do the shopping? My husband does enough as it is. And poor Lindsey is going crazy. So is Mommy. I need some more books I think.

We're 30 weeks as of tomorrow. I hate every part of being pregnant. And Jake must hate every part of being in there! I'm in a lot of pain, and I'm already having contractions (hence the strict bedrest) so I'm on a monitor twice a day and taking all sorts of medicines. LOVELY.

I also am having uterine irritability. Apparently, according to Google, they are "weak but frequent pre-term labor contractions". Basically my uterus in in a constant state of contractions, just not big enough to do a lot of damage. This, on top of the fact that even though i have the cerclage, my cervix is still only about 2 cm long, means that it is probable that this baby boy is going to make an early entrance.

I've been really well taken care of, both by my OB and my MFS. I feel very fortunate to have such a great network of doctors.